In my book of dreams
In my book of dreams
I took your urgent whisper
Stole the arc of a white wing
Rode like foam on the river of pity
Turned its tide to strength
Healed the hole that ripped in living
In my book of dreams
Strength - strength is still my favourite Vega-word. No physical strength or power
or force or violence but this kind of strength I feel when I listen to 'Pilgrimage'
and I seem to burst inside; this kind of strength I feel when I listen to songs like
'Night Vision' or'Blood Sings', when I want to grap the next gun to blow my brain
out 'cause the songs are so beautifully sad. This strength Suzanne gives to all these
weak characters like Luka, Caspar and David.And she did not only gave it to them, she also gives a lot of strength and energy to me. More energy for life than I gained from anything else.
In December 1990 Suzanne was on tour in Europe and she was playing in Münster. I visited this concert and after the show I waited backstage at the tour-bus with a few other fans. She came out of the hall to the bus, sat down on its steps and gave us some autogramms. And when I stood in front of her and she looked straight into my face I felt that this strength I knew from her songs was also, and even much more, in her laughter, in her eyes.
In August 1991 I wrote a letter to her. I felt the urge to thank her for all this energy she gave to me, I wanted to tell her how much I love her music and her lyrics and I wanted to give her back a bit of this strength. Well, I guess she must get thousand of letters but somehow I had this funny idea that she would answer me. Me, the 20 year old mediocre guitarist with his broken English who was living on the other side of the world.
So I waited one long year, hoping every morning that a letter from New York had arrived. And during this year I wrote the following song:
stopped by words on a snowy evening
Words - you were the queen of words
and language as your kingdom dumb.
With syntax, alliterations fenced
with wallwords sweet as blood and numb.
And everyone who stepped inside
your wordworld without invitation
was punished by the strenth of you
by warwords made of conjugations
I made a still and slight attempt
with my winter words to get a glance
now your silence hits me every night
to force my lack of common sense.
I was not worth your warrior words
though I want to fell your strength and cry
and wounded by your weapon words
in your womb lay down my head and die.
Your words are lovely, dark and deep
but I have got to kill my horse
for your silence grows my hunger strong
and to eat there is no other source.
In August 1992 I made another attempt, wrote another letter including this and
other poems. And in October (I really didn't expect any answer anymore) - I found
this card in my mailbox (see Language 1992-2, page 3; KS). I was very excited and
happy. She really answered my letter! But strange thing: two weeks later the letter
I wrote to her in August 1992 returned to sender because I send it to the old
address that wasn't valid anymore at this time. So Suzanne must have answered the
letter I wrote one year ago. Confused? So am I!But why am I telling You this story? Well, I would really like to know what experiences You out there have made with letters to or from Suzanne. Did You also have such immense problems writing to her, pressing everything You feel for her music between four or five pages of a letter which, the more You reread it, sounds more and more clumsy and in the end doesn't say what you meant anyway? Is receiving such a postcard as I got a kind of privilege? Did anyone else get a message from her?
Further more I am still looking for some people who would like to join me playing Suzanne Vega songs. I myself play acoustic guitar and try to do the best with my voice. So do not hesitate, take a pen and write to: Philipp Hofmann, Berenskamp 21, ???? Bielefeld, Germany. I'm looking forward to get in contact with other Vega-fans. Till then!
Philipp Hofmann